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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Gone with the Wind

Dear Scarlett,
My demons have always kept us at arm’s distance
Yet my arms can wrap around you for an eternity are yours to do as I wish
You have always been there when I needed you
My secrets are yours to do what you wish
And my faults fall on deaf ears
A heart and mind can never act as one
So why do I keep trying
I never wanted to feel the way I did
The military is my first love
And my life will be consumed by it in overwhelming fashion
This isn’t a goodbye letter
This is an apology
What if I want to fall in combat
What if I want to martyr myself
Are you okay with that
Didn’t think so
I’m not going to disappear
And time isn’t going to whither me away
At least not any time soon
So I’ll watch you from a distance
Don’t go marrying the guy who you meet in the bar
It would hurt me too much
Find someone who is like me
But just that much different
So that I know
That in a different life
This could have worked
Nothing in this world is free
Especially not you
You have cost me so much
I’ve paid with my heart
So many times
I might not be able to handle it any more
What if I never marry
Will that sadden you
This isn’t a break up
This is a mutual agreement
To never see each other again
You will never understand what I did
And neither will I
Why am I stuck up on honor
My father was never a soldier
I can do anything I want
I can go places
I can be somebody
But dreams are for dreamers
And I’m a realist
This world is so cold
People are so cruel
A brotherhood of Americans
Back to back
Now that is a life I can live
My ignorance is staring me in the face
The military is for brave men
So what am I doing
Maybe that’s why I’m doing this
Because I want to be brave
I want to fight for something
Something greater then myself
This apology isn’t just for you
If that’s what you thought
This is to live with myself
And maybe even die with myself
I’m trying to escape my sins
My demons won’t leave me alone
I never had the answers
I thought I did
So to end this right
I have to say
I’m sorry to you
And I’m sorry to myself
Rhett Butler