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Thursday, December 28, 2017

Application UC Essays

1. Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.

I first realized I was a reader the summer after seventh grade. Until that point, my family had unofficially declared my brother the “reader” between the two of us. I was off the hook! Academics and books could be his thing, which freed me up to find a more exciting calling. I soon realized reading was that more exciting calling. 
I had just turned thirteen and was discovering the YA section at the library, which is embarrassing in retrospect, but seemed like an uncovered gold mine at the time. I would drag my father to the library so I could load up on the seven book maximum limit which were to be devoured in the next week. 
My tastes of that initial period of developing “reader hood”, however immature they may have been, opened up a world for me that I had initially discarded as a boring pastime. 
My tastes have since developed. I spend my spare time exploring many of the classics, as well as contemporary fiction. I find recommendations through classmates, reviews in various newspapers, and teachers. Since discovering my affinity for reading and writing, I have steered my educational path in that direction. I believe good writing to speak to a part of ourselves which cannot be ignored. It is because of the values I place in this discipline that I will succeed. My previous coursework in high school and college demonstrates my ability to succeed in this major as well as my planned tutor position at the LAVC writing center next semester. 
My appreciation comes from my ability to draw connections to pieces I am working with. When articulating a response to a piece, I try my best to be genuine. When I find a piece I don’t particularly like, or struggle making a connection to, I take the time to search for an aspect that I can summon strong emotion towards. I do this to ensure I am always learning and making sure my writing and critical thinking skills are developing. 

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.  

I’ve spent a significant amount of time in the past years developing my menu compilation. Well, not too much time, but it’s on my mind every time I step foot in a restaurant, or think about food. I decided a couple years ago to start collecting menus to one day build the ultimate menu compilation with all of the best ingredients from the best dishes from the best places. 
Although this menu has no
practical use, I think it demonstrates a unique side of my personality. Not that loving food and all things food is unique, but my hobby is a creative expression of this love. It’s nostalgic because these menus are mementos of past times, and it’s creative because it is my personal way of preserving memories coupled positively with my appreciation of food. 
I find solace in creating. Lately, I spend much of my free time drawing. I started sitting down with the sole intent to draw about 2 years ago, (although an avid class time doodler in the past), and have had the pleasure of watching my skills develop, and even more rewardingly, have seen a personal distinct style come of my drawings. I am consistently experimenting with new (to me) mediums of creating. I am fascinated by the the investment in capturing a moment, a feeling. Finding an experience significant enough to want to find a way to hold onto it and express it  in the way you have experienced it personally is a desire to be highly regarded. I believe beauty to serve a great purpose in our lives and art is a way to express, experience, cultivate, and hopefully expand on that beauty. New creative endeavors I have been developing are comic book making, painting, using oil pastels, poetry/short story writing, collaging, and more. My favorite part about creating is watching myself learn and grow. It reminds me that however new I am at something, I shouldn’t feel inadequate because my personal growth and insight are the most important and most rewarding parts of myself to exercise. 

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?  

I’m not entirely sure many people realize this about me, but what I consider to be my greatest talent or skill is my patience. Close friends and family, and even new acquaintances, have attributed this to my laid-back personality. However, if they were to witness my interior monologue when experiencing my laid-backness they would quickly realize it is my patience which allows me to act as I do. I have been developing this skill my entire life. It develops intrinsically in socially shy people. Although eager for attention, my introversion tended to overcome my narcissism and I usually found myself in more passive positions. I developed listening skills, I became an observer. As an adult, I have overcome this shyness, but my social awareness has developed so that I can assess situations before speaking. My extroversion and need for attention is consistently outweighed by my lengthy thought process and inability to act purely on instinct.
I came to realize the extent of my patience while working at the internationally well known sport’s bar and family restaurant, Hooters. I was continually self gratifyingly impressed with my ability to navigate difficult interactions with customers. This is not to say I wouldn’t have occasional outbursts about rude customers, but I quickly realized my tolerance for these people to be a tad higher than the tolerances and patiences of my fellow Hooter girls. 
This work experience has great value to me. To deal with difficult people is a life skill I will never take for granted. My patience and tolerance are extremely important parts of my personality. 

4. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
I was first introduced to Philosophy club several weeks into my first semester at Los Angeles Valley College. My extracurricular and social outlets seemed limited because of my late night work schedule combined with my classwork load. A good friend invited me to Philosophy Club. I continued regular attendance throughout the year. After learning that most of the members had graduated or left and that the club had not designated any officers for the following semester, my friend and I set out to get the club started back up. Considering neither of us are Philosophy majors, it was a large responsibility to take on. 
As leaders of the club we have worked extensively to establish ourselves as an official club and an active presence on the campus.
My personal duties with and for the club are many and varied. I lead meetings and select topics of discussion. As treasurer of the club I attend regular Associated Student’s Finance meetings where we request funding, make budget proposals etc.
I have helped organized club field trips in which we have our members attend the UCLA philosophy club meetings. This is an opportunity for LAVC students to connect with UCLA  students on a common ground.
In addition to outside events, the Philosophy club has hosted events on our own campus, many of which are social in nature. We have had a movie nights, potlucks, a game of zombie tag. We also enjoy having our meeting outside when the weather is nice, which encourages passerby’s to check us out and hopefully join.
Being a central part of this club has brought me so much joy this past semester. Our club is open and welcoming. We foster creative thought, encourage friendly debate, and are all there with the intent of expanding our minds to become more open and tolerant individuals. 

Leftover taco bell
Taking bites of pie instead of slices

5. If there's anything else you want us to know about you, now's your chance. But remember, you should use this space only if you want to describe anything that you have not had the opportunity to include elsewhere in the application. This shouldn't be an essay, but rather a place to explain unusual personal or family circumstances, or anything that may be unclear in other parts of the application. This should not be used to answer an additional personal insight question.

I would like to take this opportunity to explain my discontinuation at UC Santa Barbara and the low amount of units I have taken this semester and will be taking next semester. I stopped attending school at UC Santa Barbara the summer of 2014, then picked my education back up at Los Angeles Valley College Spring of 2017. 
I needed to take time away from UCSB for personal reasons. I could no longer be there and did not want to consider returning. I spent that vacant period of time working, saving money, and trying to figure out what direction I wanted to take my life in next. I realized I needed to finish my education so I started at Los Angeles Valley College to finish the General Education I hadn’t yet done in Santa Barbara. I had to cut down my course load this semester and next so that I could work the hours I needed to maintain the standard of living I need. This semester and next I am taking all the necessary classes I need to be eligible and properly prepared for the major I plan on entering into. 

Eternalism: The Philosophy of Time

Time is a dimension that when viewed from an omnipotent point of view is a single portrait. Essentially all of time is happening all the time. There is no difference between the future and the past. Things are and always will be and there is nothing that can change them. Things happen because they were always happening. An omnipotent creature views time outside of our modern -understand of physics and mathematics which tells us that our physical universe is a three-parameter model. The three-parameter model represent the three dimensions in which all of matter exists. The three dimensions; width, height and depth, can be exemplified in a geometric figure such as a cylinder. 
The way in which we perceive and intake experience the physical world is understood by the foundations of physics, geometry and mathematics. Which fundamentally proves the theory of time itself. As natural law and scientific theory are based on a series of irrefutable facts, the eternal flow of the timeline in which events happen in mathematical sequence is nothing more than a mathematical equation that takes us to our present moment. 
Just as elements on the periodic chart serve as mathematical equations in which various elements come together to form new elements. The new element is always the algorithm of old two elements and no other equation could end up with that result. Mathematically speaking all human interactions across the globe are feeding into the equation which forms our present moment, our immediate reality serving as the byproduct of prior events. 
With that knowledge, we must surmise that our immediate reality is fundamentally in link with every event in human history and would not be occurring as it is now if it were not for prior events. Thus, every action you make has already been determined because history is an equation that produces the present moment and it could not have happened any other way. Everything that has happened in the life of the individual thus far is the equation like two hydrogens and one oxygen and what you’re doing right now is the H2O. Thus, history is a mathematical equation. Our present reality is a complex algorithm. The timeline is a constant that has been and always will be. 
Everything that will happen has already happened. Humans didn’t need to discovery physics. Physics existed whether or not humans are aware of it. Evolution exists whether humans are aware of it or not. The natural laws of the universal are not man-made, they are constants that continue whether sentient beings observe their processes or not. As the natural laws are and have always been, there is no different way in which hydrogen can be explained, just as oxygen has a determined factual basis. 
This deterministic view, when applied to time, presents a philosophical position in which for every event there exist conditions that could cause no other event. Although such notions of pre-determined fates are weary on the hope for a physical world in which free will eliminates determinism, determinism can be presented through empirical testing. The paradigm of time in regards to history is that history falls into accordance with the same natural state of laws subjected to any scientific field of discovery. 
History and time as it relates to the paradigm follow a casual determinism. In the scientific field of physics a casual determinism would be in likeness to the system of cause and effects. As physicists work within the realm of causes and effects, historians must also view their study as a series of causes and effects. As the historian studies his field as a social scientist he can only surmise that any state is completely determined by prior states. Determinism serves as a perfect prediction of what will happen. 

Through studies of the past, the future [since it is pre-determined] becomes predictable. Economic downturns are predictable. Sectarian violence is predictable. Just as eclipses are predictable. Rainbows are predictable. Thunder storms are predictable. The scientist can make predictions just as the historian can make predictions. The entire universe is a single determinate system in the likeness of a computer coding system which to the untrained eye would be perceived as nothing but a repeating series of ones and zeroes. Considering all human action in every moment of the timeline each indiscriminate action adds a series of ones and zeroes to the coding, bestowing us with our present reality. 

The Biological Clock v. Planetary Motion

In conversation after conversation I often find myself debating amongst my compatriots over the issue of whether our biological clocks are intrinsically tied to the rotation of the Earth. I would like to, once and for all, lay this debate to rest through a compact yet brief explanation of why man’s aging patterns are linked to the Earth.
            Let us first examine what planet you would age the slowest on and then through the usage of empirical evidence I’ll prove to you why that is. First of all, Mercury wins. You would age the slowest on Mercury.
            Mercury is the planet where you are in the deepest gravity well when you stand on its surface. Lower gravitational potential equals a slower passage of time. The sun is an important player here because you must overlay that gravitational potential on top of the ones from the planets themselves. Mercury wins over Jupiter by the mere reason that it is much closer to the sun.
            The only places that you age slower on than Earth would be Mercury, Venus and Jupiter. You live longest on the planet with the greatest gravitational potential or consequently mass. Thus, you will live longer on Jupiter than on any other planet in the solar system. Gravity does affect aging and time. General relativity tells us that time runs relatively slower the nearer one gets to a massive object.
            A classic example of general relativity in action is its use in configuring GPS satellites. They must consider the fact that time on the surface of the Earth is running slightly slower than it is for the satellite many miles up in space. Gravity and speed affect aging although the effects are the strongest when travelling very close to the speed of light.
            Time dilation is an effect observed between differing frames of reference, depending upon which frame is moving. If both are in motion than both will experience the same effect as the other. It is also present near sources of gravity owing to the acceleration of the gravitational field.

            If you go to space and ride a space shuttle, time will go slower for you. Let’s use a drastic example and say you travel in your space shuttle for 5 years but when you’ll return to Earth you’ll find out that even though you were only away for 5 years, you’ll return to Earth and it’s been a year or even more. This is very similar to Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Hopefully after this long-winded argument empirical evidence has convinced you at this point. 

Thursday, December 7, 2017

UC Application Essays

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.

Having always conceptualized myself as a natural born leader, however arrogrant that may be inferred, I have always feverishly hurdled towards any opportunity to take on roles of leadership wherever they may present themselves. Stressing this point, it is of little surprise to my friends, family, peers and colleagues that when the President of the Philosophy Club at LAVC transferred after Spring 2017, I was more then elated to fill the position. Sporting an extensive collection of political and philosophical literature, many of the discussion topics that I prepared for the club meetings have been works from my own personal library. With this intimate level of familitarity with the books being discussed, it was easy for me to call on people and even ask them deep questions about the text. And in my efforts to positively influence the members of my club, I made it my sworn duty to take the most introverted club members and call upon them to speak at every meeting. There is a great beautiful sense of emotional nakedness that comes with public speaking, and everyone should be made to feel naked sometimes. There is an awesome sense of personal growth that comes with public speaking, and some of our most introverted club members come to every single meeting. What does this tell us? That obviously these introverts like being forced out of their shell. Too often no one tries to hear what they have to say because it’s too much work to get them to talk. But at the Philosophy Club I have built a social environment, an atmosphere in which the frequently non-vocal will find their voice. 

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.  

Public speaking has taught me how to magically connect with anyone. Public speaking has taught me the psychology of self-motivation. Public speaking has helped me to understand the importance and the productivity of failure. As failure is the only truly objective form of constructive critictism. Public speaking has taught me the importance of how one broadcasts themselves. Public speaking is unequivocally without contest my greatest skill as it has served me in countless facets of my life. In my professional endeavors, sales work has always suited my personality quite well. Over time I learned to stop selling the products in which I was pushing, and I learned to sell the only product that any salesmen in the history of the world has ever sold, and that product was thyself. And through this lesson, I learned the most important public speaking tactic of all, delivery is more important then content. This is true of politics. This is true of performance art. And this is especially true of sales. In my stand-up comedy, my delivery of a joke is what makes or breaks it. As President, when I’m leading a Philosophy Club discussion, the way in which I lecture the given topic determines how well I maintain the focus and enthrallment of the club members. It doesn’t matter if the content itself is interesting, if the presentation is laxadaisacal and utterly mundane, wrecked boredom will surely follow. In my High School debate tournaments, it didn’t matter how politically unsophiscated and factually bankrupt my arguments were, at the end of the day the judges remembered my vigor and vitality, my energy and my enthusiam, more then they remembered my opponent’s statistics and cited sources.   

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?  

Stand-up comedy is the greatest art form there is. Because it has done so much to damage my fragile ego. It has humbled me and wounded me in the most painful ways. But it has been a constructive pain. The kind of pain that leaves you stronger in the aftermath. An innumberable amount of bad five minute sets and a sea of failed punch-lines on that comedy onstage has given me a resilience that I didn’t know I had. It has challenged me to keep marching forward in the face of adversity. It has challenged me to ignore the worst parts of my subconscious which tell me that I’m not good enough. Stand-up comedy has taught me that there are two types of pain. There is pain that exists for the sake of pain. That’s the first type of pain. The second type is the one that helps you grow. The kind of pain that teaches you that you are stronger then you ever knew you were. As human beings, our artwork is how we express what’s in our hearts, and a great comedian is not afraid to get their heartbroken. And all the comedians that we all know as household names have had their hearts broken, time and time again. And the scariest part about comedy is that even when you’ve gotten good at it, you’re still going to have nights where you bomb. And that is what grounds me and terrifies me and keeps my pride and my narcissism in check. A stand-up comic is always at the mercy of the crowd, and at the end of the day, you are their court jester and you feed hungrily off of their fleeting approval, and that in itself requires great humility. And after 3 years of doing stand-up comedy since graduating High School and turning 18, I can confidently say that my short time as a comedian has given me some of the best parts of myself.  

4. Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.

I will be graduating from LAVC with my Associates Degree in History. I have taken most of the history classes that Los Angeles Valley College has to offer. Which has made me exceptionally qualified to help my friends at LAVC with their coursework, essays and exam studying if they just so happen to be taking a history class. And since many of my friends are History Majors, I find myself being quite useful quite often. 

Throughout my community college career, I’ve organized various study groups. Sometimes if its a subject I’m not as familiar with, someone else can lead the study sessions but for the history class groups and other social science classes, I took a leadership role. The most recent example being when I took my History 11 course this summer. I organized a study group. It was actually more perfect then it would have been if I had taken it during the spring semester or fall semester because summer classes meet everyday, Monday through Thursday. With this structure, the entire group met every single day afterclass to review the material, work on our coursework and with an exam once a week, study vigorously and quiz one another. 

But forming a History 11 study group was not an isolated incident. Before this past summer session, I formed a study group in my Anthropology 111 class in the spring semester. My love of history translates into a passion for many of the social sciences. And although my peers may have grown tired of it, during exam weeks, I drilled them like a marine sergeant. There were five of us in the study group. The three ladies in our group ended the class with A’s, while the two gentlemen (which includes myself) in our group ended the class with B’s. No one walked away from that study group with anything less then an 85% in the class. 

I’m sure your University offers many tutoring services and I’m sure your students are quick to form study groups. This is the criteria of a good student. One who contributes back to his community, his college and his fellow peers by enriching university life. And forming study groups enriches the social environment of the campus. 

And a good student who enriches campus life is the one who doesn’t wait for others to form study groups so that they can tag along. A good student puts his best foot forward, and organizes his peers into a productive cohesive body with a shared purpose. I know that as a history major and as someone who has a great passion for the social sciences, I will put my best foot forward and I will form study groups and organize my peers into a productive cohesive body with a shared purpose. 

I am a student who has formed study groups, taken on leadership roles for clubs on campus and I even ran (unsuccessfully) for student body to serve in the Associated Student Union. 


We should allow animal testing. Firstly, its a practice that has been going on for thousands of years. Secondly, it is highly regulated. Thirdly, it saves people’s lives. Fourthly and finally, we’ve had a terrible history using human subjects in our experiments. Let’s break down each of these points with further clarity. 
Firstly, animal research is not some new phenomenon. Animal testing has been an important part of our scientific development since ancient times. According to ProCon.Org, “Descriptions of the dissection of live animals have been found in ancient Greek writings from as early as circa 500 BC.” To discover the functions of living organisms, physicians like Herophilus and Aristotle, who lived from 384 to 322 BC, performed animal experiments. The famous philosopher and French scientist Rene Descartes, who lived from 1596 to 1650, experimented on live animals inlcuding eels, fish and even rabbits. But none of these experiments were practiced in vain. Every one of these experiments was performed to achieve a greater understanding of the world around us. The famous English physician William Harvey who lived from 1578 to 1657 discovered that it was not the lungs that circulated blood throughout the body but rather the heart, as a result of his testings on live animals.
Secondly, for those who are greatly concerned with the welfare of animals, it should be stated that animal testing in the United States is highly regulated. Animal testing in the United States is regulated by the AWA, which stands for the Animal Welfare Act. According to UnderstandingAnimalResearch.Org, “The AWA requires that each research facility develop an internal Institutional Animal Committee  to represent society's concerns regarding the welfare of animal subjects.” There is no limit necessarily to how many people can serve on these committees, but there must be a minimum of three board members. One of these members must be an individual with a veterinary background and one must be someone from outside of the institution who can objectively assess the inner workings of the facility making sure they it meets AWA regulation.
Thirdly, nearly every medical breakthrough involves animal testing and research. If you’re a someone whose ever taken an antibiotic, vaccine, blood transfusion, dialysis, organ transplant, chemotherapy, bypass surgery, joint replacement then you owe it to animal research. According to, “Animal research has developed vaccines for tuberculosis, meningitis and polio.” Thanks to animal research, we have the invention of the asthma inhaler. Asthma treatment, which involves ventolin in “the reliever inhalers” and flixotide in “the preventer inhalers” are medicines that we tested in animal research facilties. Sir Alexander Fleming shared his Nobel Prize for discovering penicillin with Howard Florey and Ernst Boris Chain who, by testing in on mice, discovered how it could be used to fight infections.
Fourthly and finally, if we didn’t use animals we would have to use humans. How is it more ethical to put a human’s life in harm’s way? We’ve already had a terrible history with human experimentation. According to, “In 1932 the US government, as a part of The Tuskgee Study, injected 400 African-American sharecroppers with syphilis, and preceded to administer placebo treatments to observe the fatal progression of the disease.” At Auschwitz, Dr. Josef Mengele performed experiments on over 1,500 sets of imprisoned twins to study the genetics in twins, of which fewer than 200 individuals survived. In the 1950s and 1960s, under Project MK-ULTRA the CIA ran a mind-control research program administering LSD to subject’s without their informed consent or knowledge in order to study their reactions.  
Opponents of animal testing say it’s cruel to experiment on animals. They say that it is an inhuman practice and alternative methods should replace animal testing. Animal experiments are used to test the safety of new medicines and vaccines, but opponents say that these experiments cause pain to the animals and can greater reduce their quality of life. Opponents say that if torturing an animal is morally wrong, then animal experimentation is morally wrong. The arguement against animal research and testing in summarization states that the level of suffering of these animal subjects is so high that its benefits to human society do not give it moral justification.  

The scientific achievements that have been made in the fields of medical science would not have been possible without the knowledge we have attained from animal research. Aids is no longer the death sentence it was 30 years ago, because of animal research. Since the development of taxmoxifen, breast cancer death rates have fallen 30%, because of animal research. The development of the asthma inhaler is because of animal research. The insulin that Type I diabetics rely on for their day to day survival, is because of animal research. In conclusion, animal research has saved people’s lives, and all the medicinal products that we take for granted every single day is thanks to animal research.  


Cris Black Roast Jokes

  1. Listen, my intention with this roast is not to make Cris feel like a worthless piece of shit. That’s his wife’s job. 
  2. Cris’s mother is so old, black and Jewish…she saves money by spindling her own cotton tampons. 
  3. Cris’s last name is black. And isn’t it obvious why. Before he had his name changed to Black, his name was Cris the Aids riddled Monkey Fucker. Or as his friends like to call him. [Clicking Sounds]
  4. Cris has African American blood pumping through his veins, because he refuses to buy clean heroine needles. 
  5. Cris has African American blood pumping through his veins, but enough about Cris’s sex life.
  6. Cris has so much African American blood pumping his veins, he’s thinking about changing his name to Cris Kardashian. 
  7. Cris is one of my funniest friends, but that’s only because I don’t have many friends. 
  8. Cris is very old. So old that he has the Gettsyburg address memorized. But that’s just because he was there.
  9. Cris is so black and Jewish, so he’s qualified to be a NFL Player, and treat me for my concussion. 
  10. Cris is black, and you know what that means, he has a huge…arrest record. 
  11. Cris, unlike most black men, Cris can’t shoot hoops, but that’s only because ever time Cris looks at a hoop, he makes him think about he donuts. 
  12. Cris, despite being Black and Jewish, is often mistaken for a Hispanic, which is awful, because Cris hates Hispanics. I kid. I kid. Cris loves the Hispanic people. And he should, because the abortion his Mother wished she had looks like a plate of nachos. 
  13. Cris is a very intellectual man, he’s philosophical, he’s political, he’s very well read, it sometimes surprises me that he’s only half Jewish.
  14. Cris was raised in a Christian home, which is why it should come as no surprise that Cris has been nailed by many Italian guys.
  15. Cris was raised Christian, and so it should come as no surprise that Cris’s all time hero, is Jerrod from Subway. I can’t tell who was more turned on by the story of God impgrenating a 14 year old Mother Mary, Cris or Jerry Sandusky.
  16. Did you know that Cris has visited so many glory holes over the years that he was actually the one who invented the term, Hands Up Don’t Shoot?
  17. Did you know that the question Do Black Lives Matter entered the public domain 24 hours after Cris was born?
  18. But in seriousness, there is never any reason you should ever shoot an armed black man, unless your shooting a gay porn video with Cris…but even then it’s a bit iffy. Because Cris has never really been a cum in the face kind of guy. He proves it on his back. Because as a fat man, that’s the only place his body lotion can’t reach. 
  19. Cris is so fat his diabetes has diabetes. 
  20. Cris is so ugly, when he joined Black Lives Matter, the organization started to question the name of their organization.
  21. Cris has some slight Hispanic resemblances, but that’s because he doesn’t deserve to be in America.
  22. Cris is such an interesting person. We were on the phone the other day for nearly an hour, as he helped me fix my cable box. 

Informative Essay

  Introduction. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him a power.” Today we will be examining our 44th Commander-in-Chief, Barrack Obama. After dutiful and careful examination I have highlighted what I believe to be some of the most pivotal policies of the past 8 years brought to you in an unbiased fashion without a conservative or a liberal interpretation. Just the cold hard facts.  
     The Children’s Health Insurance Act was passed on Feb 4, 2009. This bill provided $32.8 billion in aid towards expanding health care coverage for kids. According to, to pay for the increased government spending a new cigarette tax of 62 cents was put into full affect. In addition to all that, there was a 40 cent increase on tobacco. This bill will now provide coverage to an additional 4 million children. 
     The Recovery Act was passed on Feb 17, 2009. As part of Obama’s Stimulus Package, $831 billion is going to be spent over a 10 year span of time from 2009 to 2019 on various economic recovery programs. The package includes direct spending on infrastructure, education, health, energy, federal tax incentives and the expansion of various unemployment benefits. According to, this bill is based on a Keynesian macroeconomic theory, which argues that during recessions, the government should offset the decrease in private spending and increase public spending. This, at least in theory, saves jobs and stops a continued spiraling of economic deterioration. 
     The Small Business Jobs Act was passed on September 27, 2010. This law, after going into full effect, created the Small Business Lending Fund Program. This was to be overseen by the Treasury Department to make capital investments in eligible institutions, in order to make credit available for small businesses.
     Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty was passed on Dec 22, 2010. A nuclear arms reduction treaty between the US and Russia. During the implementation of the treaty, both sovereign nations will reduce their strategic nuclear missile launchers by a whopping 50%. A new inspection program will be established to make sure both sides follow out the terms of the agreement. Yet this treaty will not eliminate the hundreds of thousands of operationally machine stockpiled nuclear warheads that remain in both the Russian and the American weapons stockpiles.  
     The Unite States-Columbia Free Trade Agreement was passed on Oct 21, 2011. This is a free trade agreement between the US and Columbia aka The Columbia Free Trade Agreement. The agreement is beneficial to both parties, eliminating tariffs and other regulatory barriers to trading goods and services between the US and Columbia. When this bill is fully implemented, the arrangement would eliminate tariffs on 80% of U.S. exports of consumer and industrial products to Columbia. Any remaining tariffs will be gradually eliminated over the next ten years.  

     The Food Safety Act was passed on Jan 4, 2011. This new act amends the “Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act,” in order to ensure the unwavering safety and edibility of our consumer food supply. This act aims to make sure the US food supply is safe by shifting the focus of federal regulators. Instead of focusing from responding to reports of contamination, instead now the focus will be on preventing contamination before it begins. According to, the Food and Drug Administration aka the FDA will now have new government authorities to oversee and regulate the way foods are grown, harvested and processed. This law was brought on after there had been many incident reports of food-borne illnesses during the early 2000s. This bill will hopefully be a plus to both the American people and the private sector because tainted food has cost the food industry billions of dollars in recalls, lost sales and legal expenses. 
     The Business Startups Act was passed on April 5, 2012. The Jumpstart Our Business Startups Act intends to promote public funding for small businesses. How will the government accomplish this? The government will ease various security regulations, giving the free market the freedom it needs to flourish. According to the, the Act transformed various laws and regulations. From now on it will be easier transition for companies looking to go public if that is what they so choose. But then if there are companies that would like to do the opposite and raise capital privately and stay private longer, they can do that as well. This Act also gives some new exemptions towards crowd funding, which in the past has been highly regulated. To put the final cherry icing on the cake, this Act will make it easier for emerging growth companies to get their registration for an IPO. For those of us who don’t know what an Initial Public Offering is, it is when a company goes public and its stocks are now officially traded on the stock market.  
     The Bipartisan Student Loan Act was passed on Aug 9, 2013. This Act decides how the federal government should be allowed to distribute its loans. Previously student loan rates at a low 3.4% rate were extended, which for anyone whose anything about how interest can quickly accumulate, understands and duly appreciates this. 
     The Agriculture Act was passed on Jan 29, 2014. The Agriculture Act cuts $8 billion in federal funding to welfare programs such as food stamps. This bill will be more comprehensive and strict towards who can receive food stamp benefits and make sure people are not abusing or misusing their food stamps. It prohibits people from using their food stamps to purchase medical marijuana and lottery tickets. It also excludes felons from receiving food stamps and includes a program to help people on food stamps find jobs. 
     The Gabriella Miller Kids First Search Act was passed on April 3, 2014. This Act eliminates taxpayer financing of presidential campaigns. Instead this money will be put towards a pediatric research initiative. According to, the total funding for research over the next 10 years will be an accumulative $126 million. In the grand scheme of things it will not vastly hurt the national conventions, which reportedly only drew about 23% of their funding from the Presidential Election Campaign Public Funds.

     The Bipartisan Budget Act was passed on Oct 26, 2015. Republican and Democratic leaders together were able to reach an agreement to raise the debt ceiling until March 15, 2017. According to, the agreement autho+++++rizes another $80 billion in increased spending over 2 years. The positive upside is that it is believed that additional federal expenditures should be offset by cuts in MediCare and Social Security disability insurance. In addition to all that, the government will be selling off oil from the strategic petroleum reserves. This Act, as Obama’s compromise to the Republicans, repeals a provision of the Affordable Care Act that has not yet gone into effect. This provision requires businesses to automatically enroll their full time employees into a health care plan. 
     Conclusion. My hope is that after listening to me today you can now go off into the world with a greater understanding of the 44th President of the United States and the policies he has enacted during his 8 year administration. Too many American youth in our society today are not involved in the political arena and take no interest in policies whatsoever. But its deeply important to keep an educated American populace.
Works Cited Page

Exemplification Essay

  Cyberterrorism has become a prevalent form of modern warfare in the digital age. The operatives who employ cyber terrorism can come from government agencies, political activist groups, even terrorist organizations. Some of the most notorious and widely publicized news stories include the Cyber Caliphate, WikiLeaks, The Morris Worm and The Sony Entertainment Hacks. Many of these cyber terrorists seek to compromise the US government’s secret files. Some of these cyber terrorists claim to be patriots working towards transparency believing the government should keep no secrets from its citizens while other cyber hackers are working in the name of Islamic fundamentalism. 
     Cyberterrorism has been around since the late 1980s. According to the site NatoInternational in 1988 The Morris Worm was the first recognized virus to affect the world’s cyber infrastructure. The virus rapidly spread to computers throughout the United States. The virus identified weaknesses within the system, replicating itself on a regular basis. Mostly only affecting computers in America, The Morris Worm slowed down computers across the country to the point of being unusable. Robert Tapan Morris, the criminal mastermind behind The Morris Worm, was subsequently arrested and became the first person to ever be charged under The Computer Fraud & Abuse Act. After his arrest, Morris claimed that “I was just trying to gauge how big the Internet was.” He now works as a professor at MIT. 
     Corporations have become a prime target for cyber terrorist activities. According to The Washington Post in 2014 hackers broke into the computer systems of Sony Pictures stealing confidential documents. This hacker group calling itself Guardians of Peace leaked email correspondence between co-workers, salaries of the company’s executives and the bank account information of many other employees. A month later Guardians of Peace demanded that Sony halt the release of its upcoming comedy flick The Interview. The plot of the film depicts the assassination of North Korean communist dictator Kim Jong-Un. United States intelligence operatives believe Guardians of Peace’s attack was sponsored by the North Korean government. The North Koreans have publicly denied any participation in the Sony hacks.
     Many online hackers who’ve dedicated their time and resources to exposing government secrets consider themselves political activists. According to the British Newspaper The Guardian, WikiLeaks was founded in 2006 by Australian computer programmer Julian Assange. WikiLeaks is a non-profit journalistic organization that publishes classified media from anonymous sources. In 2010, the site gained international recognition when it publicly released 76,000 classified documents from the US State Department. Some of the most scandalous documents exposed included the 2007 Baghdad airstrike. Iraqi journalists were among those killed. Another document allowed the mapping of 109, 032 Iraqi civilians deaths by insurgents. In 2011, WikiLeaks published 800 secret files regarding the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. Fearing extradition to the United States for violations of the Espionage Act of 1917, Julian Assange fled to the British embassy in Ecuador where he currently resides. 
     There are some cyber terrorists working in the name of Islamic fundamentalism. According to the site GovTech an online hacker group claiming to be affiliated with ISIS, known as Cyber Caliphate, has been making worldwide headlines for a number of online incidents. After hacking into US Central Command, Cyber Caliphate threatened the lives of US soldiers and their families, publicly posting their names and home addresses online. Despite common stereotype tropes, Arabs are not the only operatives working in the name of ISIS. Cyber Caliphate hacker, Sally Jones, is a British citizen who converted to Islam and moved to Syria work as an ISIS recruiter. As a recruiter she hopes to appeal to more Westerners using her various twitter account aliases. Sally Jones posted on her social media platforms the phone numbers of the heads of the CIA, FBI and the NSA. US Intelligence agencies fear that ISIS recruiters like Sally Jones are becoming more and more successful in appealing to young people.
     As our reliance on technology grows ever more pertinent we will continue to see a rise in cyberterrorism. The threat of hackers and potential harm they can do has brought considerable alarm to security experts and politicians. Intelligence agencies like the CIA seeking to protect national security interests are beefing up their defenses by hiring the best computer programmers they can find, while online activists like Julian Assange continue to make it their mission in life to expose the perceived corruptions within the US government. So whether we like it or not we are living under the threat of a new form of warfare.    


Wednesday, December 6, 2017

LeVonna Poem IIV

You're my muse.
And you've made me one of the luckiest Jews.

You're my intellectual superior.
And on top of all that you got a fuckin rockin exterior.

You make me laugh.
And we can spend hours together interlocked in conversational riff raff.

You're favorite book is The Outsiders.
Which is ironic because all I want to do is be inside of you.

You're favorite music artist is Lana Del Rey.
But every time I sing along, you call me gay.

You're cultural icon and personal hero is Sasha Fierce.
And I want to be the Jay-Z to your Beyonce.

You have an obsession for serial killas.
And I try to give you that good dick, like I'm one of those real niggas.

Its important that an independent self-reliant politically passionate woke feminist powerhouse like yourself has goals.
Like for example, how your determined to eat my Grandpa Tony's buttholes.

You like putting my balls on your chin.
Sin. Sin. Sin.
And your actually a decent tennis player.

I'm talking about balls. balls.
Like basketballs.
Not testicular balls.

And I push you against the wall.
In the bathroom stall.
My name you will call.

In ecstasy.
Add this to your sexual history.

Imma leave a dent in your female anatomy.
Pure sensual insanity.
Screaming out biblical profanities.

Jesus Christ.
That was nice.

And I hope this cracker cock sufficed.
This Jew dick, this kosher spice.

I make that Catholic girl, forget her morals.
Leave that Bible at the door.

She be begging for more.
Take her on a genital tour.
Just for the night Imma make you my whore.

Imma set that black pussy free, like Im mother fuckin Lincoln.
Gettin skull fucked by Bobby OG, you be doing no thinkin.

LeVonna. LeVonna.
You be growin my ba-na-na.

Makin me swet like I'm up in a sauna.
Tearin those negress panties up, like I'm huntin Ghana.

You make my heart go wham.
Even when your talkin shit, about my man, Uncle Sam.

Oh my God, look at her butt,
she looks like one of those Jewish guy's girlfriends.

LeVonna Poem IV

Beauty knows no other, better then you. 
Because you're the best thing, that I ever knew. 

You're the heart throb. 
And you make my heart stop. 

You're a catch. 
You're my sweet sour patch. 

You're a gem. 
And you're different from all of them.

You’re the, correct selection.
You’re a, ball of perfection. 

You’re a blue butterfly. 
You make the poets cry. 

Because you’re an inspiration. 
To the artists of the nation. 

You're the school house rock. 
And you've always been my rock. 

You're the queen of them all. 
You'll muse the next Rohl Dahl.

You'll breathe the next Seth Meyers. 
TV Pilots, like Pretty Little Liars. 

You impassionate the Picassos.
The Argos. The Flocos. The Broncos. 

You're a knock out. 
But you know it. 

You're a gold star. 
And you show it.  

You're an Einstein. 
God bestowed. 

You're Hillary. 

You're Rosa Parks. 
You're the shark tank sharks. 

You're the Cleopatra. 
To my Julius Caesar. 

And it's a please to meet cha. 
Imma lucky creature. 

You're my Yoko Ono. 
See another guy flirting, I say oh no!

You're my Jane Seymour. 
Bringing heirs to the floor. 

You're the comet, that got it!
That left the dinosaurs in a coffin.

You're the slayer of kings. 
Hear that mama mantis sing!

LeVonna Poem IIIV

Beauty knows no other, better then you.
Because you're the best thing, that I ever knew.

You're the heart throb.
And you make my heart stop.

You're a catch.
You're my sweet sour patch.

You're a gem.
And you're different from all of them.

You’re the, correct selection.
You’re a, ball of perfection.

You’re a blue butterfly.
You make the poets cry.

Because you’re an inspiration.
To the artists of the nation. 

Sunday, November 26, 2017

New Jokes (1)


When America steps out of a trade agreement amongst like 11 countries, or drops out of a climate intiative like the Paris Accords, 4 or 5 other countries will drop out of the agreement, because of how vital American involvement is. a lot of times these trade agreements will fall apart, all together. because most of the countries were only apart of the treaty, to have access to the American markets to sell their products,

which makes me think that America is like the guy at the party that everyone was there to see. Oh, Americas not showing up. Ah, dude, if Americas not going. I dont even want to go. Dude, America was supposed to bring the kegger. now what are we gunna do. dude, if theres no boos, how am I gunna convince austria and hungary to have a threesome with me? ah, damn it, and America always has the best weed. this parties gunna suck, man. who am i gunna play beer bong with? mexico and his 7 cousins that dont talk to anyone but each other. 

New Jokes (2)


Ayn Rand tattoo, since I have harry thighs, she looks like Frida Kahlo with her woman mustache. 

i dont usually tell a woman about my satanism or my satanic tattoos when I first start dating them, so they usually dont usually see all my tattoos until they see me without my clothes on for the first time, and its like surprise, “your about to make coitus with the devil.” 

New Jokes (3)

-Conversations about 9/11 family dad who fought with his wife -b4 leaving for work. 

-shes either horrified that, that was the last conversation they had, or happy like, “Im glad he’s dead. Mother fucker always leaving the toilet seat up.”

New Jokes (5)

My girlfriend is black, and she and I love to debate about race, and politics and gender and philosophy and history and all that good stuff. And when the conversation turns to race, she’s always taking history and making very overarching statements that I find to be unfair. Like saying that white people ruin everything. She says, look at the West African slave trade Robert, white people ruin everything. And I say, there’s been white slavery throughout history too. And she says, Robert, look at colonization of the Americas and the genocide against the Natives, and I say, well, plenty of non-white countries have colonize and commit genocide. And then just last week, my girlfriend and I just watched the new Death Note movie. And I said, oh my God white people ruin everything.

I’m Jewish and I did my birthright trip back in the Summer of 2015. For those of you who don’t know what birthright is, your probably a godless gentile and the fires of hell await you. No. No. I’m just kidding. No, but seriously, if you don’t know what birthright is, your an uncultured swine and you should probably kill yourself. 


Being the “chosen people” for the God of Abraham sounds like a lot like being a college draft pick for Jerry Sandusky. Imagine what its like now when Penn State loses a football game in a home game, their like, can someone start fucking these kids into shape? Their like, God damn it, maybe Jerry was right. Maybe a good clean game of “Towel Slap Ass” is just the kind of motivator these kids need to go out their and be winners. 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Into the Congo with Gil Ramos

Anthropology promotes a greater understanding of what it means to be human. Unlocking the knowledge of mankind’s origins, anthropologists have challenged social conventions in a way that no other field of science ever has. Changing the political and social landscape with every passing generation, anthropologists have riveted and recoiled the masses with their findings. The publication of The Origin of Species sparked massive international interest, and the first print run of the book sold out. 
LAVC anthropology Professor Gil Ramos, continuing Darwin’s legacy, has for some time now been in the process of publishing a primatology research paper. The paper entitled Positional Behavior of Bonobos in Democratic Republic of Congo has been a work in progress since the summer of 2016. Its contents are based upon Professor Ramos’s two previous trips to the Congo during his postgraduate years at the age of 44. He spent a total of one year on the African continent, making two separate six month ventures to the 190,000 square mile radius of the Congo Basin where the bonobos are located. 
The estimate on bonobo population sizes ranges from 29,500 to 50,000 but there is no concrete data. The International Union for the Conservation of Nature has listed the bonobos as an endangered species. Their lifespan in the wild is unknown, though typically captive bonobos live around 40 years. Distinguished by relatively long legs, pink lips and a dark face, the bonobo has parted long hair on its head. Along with the common chimpanzee, the bonobo is the closest extant relative to humans.
Ramos in his explication described how studying the positional behaviors of bonobos gives us an immeasurable amount of insights into the world’s most famous early human ancestor the 3.2-million-year-old ape Lucy. 
“People were wondering why Lucy walked on all fours. But when she was in the trees, her and bonobos positional behaviors were even more alike. How they moved around in the trees.” Ramos said, “How they sat down. How they maintained their position and balance in the trees. How was they were moving about.” 
When asked if bonobos serve as the best model for comparison to humans Ramos said, “Some people argue that bonobos are a better model than chimpanzees. But I can’t honestly say. I would like to believe that they are a better model. But the best? I still think chimps are a great model. And my advisor would never let me get away with saying that my bonobos are better…or the best. But a good model? Absolutely.”
Although a still a work in progress, Professor Gil Ramos’s paper has the potential to change the world of anthropology forever. Not only that, Ramos’ paper may even have lasting changes in the field of education. Textbooks lacking in any concrete information regarding the bonobos will have to be rewritten. Paleontologists with little else to cite from will be citing Professor Ramos’ work when they need to reference bonobos. 
But maybe what’s most important is that when the paper is published in the American Journal of Physical Anthropology, the largest anthropology journal in the United States, it may inspire other primatologists to pursue their own research studies into the widely bypassed bonobo. Political unrest in the Congo in addition to the natural timidity of bonobos has played a major part in the lack of extensive fieldwork studying the species in its hereditary environment. 
Whether or not Ramos goes on to publish additional research papers in the future, he believes that this paper always remain his crowning achievement. The pinnacle paper that defines his reputation in the field of primatology. At a staggering 30 pages, the paper draws on a nearly 180 page dissertation. Ramos will receive no monetary compensation for the research paper itself. But hopes that research foundations taking interest in his published paper will consider funding a future venture to the Congo. If given the opportunity to return to the African continent, Ramos would dedicate the entirety of his study to the Bonobo children, which he feels received an inadequate amount of attention in his last two trips. 

For now the paper remains in an editing phase as it undergoes a series of series of back and forth exchanges with more and more pages being added with every new draft. Although once the paper is published with the American Journal of Physical Anthropology, Ramos will have further potential for career advancement as he ambitiously strives towards a full-time University teaching position. As an individual who’s made a lasting impact on students and faculty alike, all his future successes can only work to boost the reputation of Los Angeles Valley College.